A good friend gave me some sound advice that has been helping
tame the bear. She told me not to allow things to hurt me more than they hurt the child. Not that I am the one hurt, but I tend to make the hurt bigger than it even is to the injured party.
For example, after the third day of my child coming to me with a
story of how a co-worker said something hurtful; I responded, “Do you want me to go with you to talk to someone?” She was surprised and said, “Oh, no, this person is the sweetest thing ever she is just frustrating sometimes. You have the wrong picture of her.” I sure did. I replied, “Well, you haven’t shown me this sweet side, so I am having a hard time seeing it.”
This child was just venting, while my claws were getting sharpened. Unfortunately, I also spent too much time pondering the unkind words which made them even bigger than they really were.
When I saw tears in my child’s eyes as she shared a scenario, I
assumed it was hugely painful. The reality was she was hurt, but the emotions were more a sign of being over tired than the size of the pain. As I continue to walk through this struggle with my daughter, I am less bear like, now that I am not making it bigger than it really is. Seeing she is complimenting this co-worker, I realize it is just a small irritation we are dealing with.
The last thing I want to do is take my Mama Bear feelings and
stir up a wild bear attack, where no real danger was present. Oh, it was such a great help to remember not to allow things to hurt me more than they hurt the child.