I have always been surprised by how specific this verse is. Being addicted to much wine must be a bigger issue than I am aware. Still, I think there are many addictions that could be put in here. Whatever addiction or habit we have that separates us from God or brings Him dishonor could also fill this verse.
Yes, I brought an addiction into our marriage that like wine blurred my view and for years I denied I even did. The addiction I brought into our marriage was adding my interpretation to most everything Todd said or did. It didn’t really matter what he said because I would come to my own conclusions anyway. I was constantly being hurt by what I read into Todd’s comments or actions. My mind was a playground of negativity.
One day Todd sat me down and assured me he would not purposefully hurt me. He would really like me to believe the best about him. He would be truthful and we could trust each other’s yes to be yes and no, no. As this conversation continued, we agreed to believe the best about each other and not to allow ourselves to come to our own conclusions about what the other person “really” meant. If we thought there was more to a comment than what was said, we were to ask the other person. Wow. So simple, yet it was not my natural tendency.
This not only affected how I thought about Todd, it also affected how he responded to me. From this point on, if he asked me, “Are you ok?” and I mumbled “yes” he believe me. No more games. I had to communicate the truth if I wanted to keep our marriage strong.
I must admit, I tested the agreement and tried to see if he would keep asking if I said I was okay when I was obviously not. True to his word, after asking me once if I was okay, then he went on with life as if I really was okay. So I learned to be honest and stop trying to get him to feel sorry for me.
I took time to break the skills I had mastered in interpreting Todd’s motives. Over and over again I had to remind myself that he would not purposefully hurt me and I needed to think the best about him. After all, what did I have to lose by thinking the best, nothing, it was all gain. Every time I thought the best of him, we gained joy instead of hurt. Any error was an error in love.
Seriously, much of the pain I endured our first years of marriage was of my own making. Actually, most of the pain I felt was made up. I was making up his motives in my own mind. Now, looking back, it is clear to me how damaging this addiction was, but it took Todd sitting me down and giving me a real talking to for me to see it, call it intervention if you like. Truthfully, Todd had told me this several times before, but for some reason it got through to me that one particular day and how thankful to the Lord I am that He gave me ears to hear.
My interpretations were tearing down my husband, they did not include thinking on the good.
Phillipians 4: 8 tells me, “Finally, Kim, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything praiseworthy think about such things.”
There it was, the same message from the two loves of my life, God and Todd, “Kim think the best”, it was time for me to listen and time to stop weakening our attraction by clinging to my addiction.