Immediately, I had my suspicions of what was going on, but I asked her to tell me what a hitting, kicking scenario looked like.
She said that just that morning she had been finishing up her
Bible study for a class she was going to, when her son asked her to play with him. She told him he would have to wait until she was finished. He complained and started to tug on her arm. She sent him to his room. He sat in his room, loudly declaring his objections. She finished her study, only took a few more minutes. Then she went into her son’s room and when she started to tell him she was done with her study and all he had to do is wait that few minutes, he ran over to her and started hitting her.
So, had this lad really just started hitting and kicking out of
the blue? No. He had just started doing something that finally bugged the mom enough to make her notice. If she would have dealt with the complaining, he wouldn’t have hit. If she would have dealt with the tugging on her arm, he wouldn’t have hit. If she would have dealt with the loud declaring from his room, he wouldn’t have hit. Instead, she frustrated him by not helping him control his emotions and allowing him to dictate what he wanted.
Her response was to give him more attention. That sounds loving,
but what he was crying for was boundaries.
As we talked more, the mom spoke of how her son picks out his
close every morning. That seems like a good thing. Then she mentioned that he chooses to wear blue every day. The question is would he be happy to wear another color if mom told him to? If not; he is thinking he is the boss.
Children are to obey their parents, NOT parents obey their
children. Beyond that, it is the parent’s responsibility to see that their children obey them with proper respect. Read it here:
I Timothy 3:4 “He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.”
When something new pops up in a child’s behavior, look to see if
there are smaller infractions that could be dealt with that would eliminate the “new” behavior from appearing. Don’t allow “love” to keep you from guiding your child. It is very important for a child to be able to handle “no”. Until a child can handle “no” joyfully, you do not have their heart.
Here is a note I received from this mom later:
"Just wanted to thank you for being bold with me the other night. I truly do want to learn! The days following our Tuesday night ESP talk were much better than the two weeks before. You reminded me that if my child can't be obedient to me who he can see how can he be obedient to God who he can not see. We did some training with ESP and there was some spanking throughout the day. I feel much more empowered in a good way as a mom to recognize my child's disobedience and correct it!"