I have a lot of thoughts on children hitting their parents and the idea that spanking teaches hitting. First of all, it is not the children that are disciplined regularly with spanking that hit their parents. In general, it is the child that has no self-control and is pampered by his parents that is so overwhelmed by too many options and not enough guidelines that hits his parents.
A child that is disciplined regularly for wrong doing with spanking does not begrudge a spanking but expects it and finds relief from it—IF all is forgiven and forgotten afterwards. As we said in our house, once an offense is dealt with it is over, no bringing it up again, forgiven. Wrongs are not compounded.
When a parent loses control to gain control that is when a spanking can be hitting.
Yes, I believe any parent that spanks has most likely done so, at times, in frustration or anger. In my opinion those times deserve an apology. The apology is for the lack of self-control not for the spanking.
I want to say I have never had one of my children try to hit me, but I am not one hundred percent sure that is true, so I will say it was not more than once per child. If my child tried to hit me, I would calmly grab them firmly by the arms and get face to face (real close) and say, “We do not hit Mommy.” Then I would have that child go to another room to receive a spanking. Because this is normal procedure to be disciplined for wrong doing I would not expect resistance. If a child was completely beside himself, I would carry them away and deal with them until they gained control.
Let’s get Biblical:
Proverbs 22: 15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”
The rod is God’s tool for driving out foolishness, just like He has given us His Spirit as a sword against our enemy the devil.
Proverbs 29: 15 “A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.”
I like this because it points out the need for words of wisdom along with the rod. The over arching principle is we are called to train our children in the way to go, so no discipline is complete without training in righteousness (rightness, what would have been the right thing to do).
Eph 6: 4-5 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Training and instruction are the opposite of exasperating, the way to avoid exasperating a child. What are these parents that don’t want to spank doing to train and instruct?
Eph 2: 2 msg “You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live.”
Where are these parents getting their parenting philosophy from? If they have God’s Word to back their actions then He will guide them. But, if they don’t, they need to.
Eph 4: 17 “So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking.”
Parenting fads and philosophies are ever changing. One year you can only lay your baby on his side and the next year his back, but if you do the wrong one on the wrong year you will be mocked. God’s word never changes.
I Cor 7:19b “Keeping God’s commands is what counts.”
God’s Word is the bottom line. Period.