Blog Archives - ESP Character Training(Explain, Show, Practice)

Resist the Norm

8/31/2011

There are three words I would prefer to never have put in print. They have been a trial to me the past six days. Because of them, all other plans have been put on hold…..we have lice. Now I feel dirty, and each itch brings fear, fear of another being infested.

My response to this news has been crazy lady cleaning. The washer and dryer ran constantly for three days. Anything that can be vacuumed has been. Cushions and mattress were laid on the floor and vacuumed top and bottom!

It was while vacuuming the girl’s room in this manner that I got a surprise. I have heard plenty of stories where parents are blindsided by finding drugs, porn magazines, inappropriate pictures, secular music, notes, etc. As parents we cannot know every choice our child makes, yet, we can pray they will always be found out if they are living a double life.

Underneath my daughter’s mattress I found a note. Was I ready for what it might say?

Thankfully my story has a happy ending, the note I found was a prayer and here it is:

Oh Lord, I just watched a clip of a sermon and Lord, I ask You will please help me to LOVE other people. Now I don’t just mean my family, I mean EVERYBODY! Please help me to not be concerned about things that are temporary but to focus on what is eternal!!! In Jesus name, Amen.

When I asked my daughter if I could use this on the blog, she hesitated and said, “Sure, but it doesn’t seem that profound to me.”

No it is not that profound to her, but I think it is profound to many of us as parents. We need finding a note like that to be our expectation and not expect our teens to rebel, lie or have attitudes. Yes, I know my children have free wills and I have a lot of years to walk through yet. It is a change of heart in the parent I am going for; setting our aim at children that remain strong and faithful. Expecting them to love God and honor their parents. Resist the norm, embrace the Truth!

Play time.

8/30/2011

Do any of you moms shoot bow and arrow? Archery is a family hobby for us Doeblers. Last weekend there was a bow shoot we were prepping for and in two weeks the hunting season starts. At least once a day we are out practicing our shooting, adjusting our sights and perfecting our stance. Each practice session is filled with cheering for one another; as well as theorizing why we missed.

I did not come into our marriage with the dream of being an archer. During the first few years, it was tough. Shooting did not come naturally for me. Then came hunting season when I was sitting in a tree, shivering, seeing nothing and pondering all I could have been doing at home. There were even tears shed as I struggled to love my husband by sharing this love of his.

Fast forward to the present and I can honestly say I am thankful I pushed through those difficult years and continued participating in this activity that I knew my man loved. Not only have my skills improved, but our whole family bonds with bows in our hands.

Wife, don’t throw in the towel too quickly. Keep trying to find an area you can join in a hobby that your husband loves. It is important for us to continue to play with our spouse; recreating together is an easy way to connect and make memories. Go play. Make play time. It is time to play together.

Avoiding glitches

8/28/2011

This past week I flew out to North Dakota. The first question my sister asked me after I landed was,”How was your flight?” “Perfect,” I answered “not a single glitch.”

Again when I landed back in WI my family greeted me by asking, “How was your flight?” As I had answered my sister, I stated, “Perfect, not a single glitch.”

Since I’ve been home I have started to think about the woman that was crying waiting for her flight and how I felt for her, but turned my eyes away when she looked at me because I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. Then there was the unaccompanied minor that was at least one hundred pounds overweight. I actually hoped I would sit by her so I could learn her story, but since I didn’t, I will never know. Then there was the man who had his house flooded and the man who had no children that I talked to for over an hour, but Jesus never came up. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t even think to pray for any of these people until I was home.

In hind sight, the flight wasn’t so perfect after all. I missed opportunities, because I was content to get where I was going on time.

Mothers, we too often measure how our day was by how many glitches it has. A perfect day runs smoothly without a single glitch. But glitches are opportunities. It is even possible that the only reason the day seemed so smooth is because we missed teachable, lovable moments in our eagerness to get to the end of the day without inconvenience.

I don’t fly very often, so I didn’t think to pray for opportunities to share, thus I wasn’t looking for them and missed completely.(Absolutely, not an excuse, there is no reason to not always be looking for needs around me.) Mom, you mother every day, so pray for sensitivity to see teachable moments, to be alert for the need to train and to have Jesus ever on your lips.

A truly perfect day is a day when every opportunity is taken and nothing is overlooked. So perfect may not come very often. Realize though that an active day towards perfect is much more satisfying than a passive day avoiding glitches.

Life is good!!

8/27/2011

What a wonderful visit to ND. In some ways it was like a walk back in time. In Willeston, ND there is an oil boom. Every person there has a story. Most of the stories include hitting rock bottom. The ratio of 26 men to every woman speaks of how many men have come there desperate to provide for their families. So much like the great depression these men are willing to go wherever and do whatever to send a pay check back home to their families. Why don’t their families move too you wonder. Because there is very limited housing.

Literally, there are man camps. These are temporary housing, where men rent out a room or even just a bed. From what I heard, these man camps do provide showers, but we are talking back to High School group showers. In town there is a gas station that provides a shower for the small fee of $10.

It is sobering. If you are at rock bottom, checking out Willeston, ND might be a good option. There are jobs in abundance and the pay is unbelievable, but it will not be easy to find a place to lay your head. I am so proud of the men that are doing what it takes to make a wage, yet, my heart aches for all the pain that surrounds the people of that town.

A friend of ours, the father of six, went as a last ditch effort to find work with $100 dollars to his name. Financially things are looking up, but how does a man that loves his family spend three out four weeks away from his family? He does it because he has to, always praying things will change.

On the airplane to ND, I sat by a man from Minot, ND. His house had been flooded this spring. We are talking water to the tops of the windows. Him and his wife are living in the basement of a foster child they use to have. He is hoping for temporary housing from FEMA so they can move out. Their home is finally dried out, it is also see through. Yes, everything had to be torn out and you can literally see from the street to his backyard.

His story isn't much more upbeat now, because he cannot get an electrician for three months. Although he had a stack of dry wall waiting for him when he landed, he can't do anything until he gets an electrician. More waiting.

So what’s the point….I guess it is just a reminder to count your blessings and to snuggle close to the hard working man that comes home to you each night. Enjoy the dry house you live in. Life will always have its hard times, but God is good.

He makes our life good!!

Talk to You Friday

8/22/2011

It is going to be quiet here for a few days. It is 5a and I am headed to the airport. Going to visit my sister in ND and help her move into her new house. Won't have much chance to sit and blog, so I will talk with you all on friday.

Keep loving your families,
Kim

Strengthen and Encourage Your Flock

8/20/2011

Is not our greatest desire to raise disciples of Jesus? Are we not to a large extent sheppards of a little flock, the children God has blessed us with?

Lately, I’ve been reading in Acts. Luke wrote this book about the journeys of Paul, while traveling with him. In Acts 14:22 Paul and Barnabas return to Lystra and are “strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. ‘We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God’ they said.”

We need strengthening as God’s disciples to remain true to Him even when the everyday gets hard. I am talking about our everyday ordinary life. God knows we need strengthening in our mothering, house-keeping, loving our husband, shopping, on and on. There should be no surprise that it is going to be tough and the road will seem long, yet Christ is both our prize at the end of our race, as well as the rhythm of our race.

As we encourage our disciples, we need to strengthen them for the hardships as well as encourage them to remain true to the faith. Our little ones will one day face this world on their own. It is our job to prepare these hearts to run leaning on God’s strength, always looking to Him their hope of glory. Their race is tough too. It is hard to obey and constantly fight the battle within to get their own way. But these hardships are to be expected. Keep strengthening and encouraging them to win the race.

Acts 20: 28-29 reminds me that my children are the flock God has given me to oversee. In my sheppard role I must remain alert to the wolves trying to devour my flock. These sheep depend on me to be alert to the dangers creeping in and to alert them, as well as chase the evil away. “Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers…………savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock.”

Be strengthened and encouraged Mom to strengthen and encourage your flock!

Follow Through

8/14/2011

It is all good at Grandma’s house----until…..the youngest of the grandchildren does something, only the parents know what, that causes the mother to need to depart with this one child. Leaving the rest of her family to enjoy their day, she walks militantly to her car. As the guilty party heads to the car, he tugs on an auntie’s shirt to get her attention and quotes, “I am ‘going home right now.’” “Oooh,” the auntie replies in a somewhat knowing manner.

On the way home there is not much conversation. This brighter than average child breaks the stony silence with his hopeful tone by stating, “Mom, we’re going to have you and me time.”

I don’t know what your response or the mother’s response was to that, but when I heard the story I had a mixed reaction. First, I laughed and secondly, I could see the mom thinking, “Oh yes, we are going to have you and me time alright.”

My concern though, is I wonder how many mothers would melt under the cuteness of the comment and forget their resolve to train their child? Hopefully this mother followed through with her decision that caused her to leave Grandma’s in the first place. If she laughed at her son, “lightened up” and decided to forget the training……then she lost a huge battle.

A situation like this requires great self-control on the parent’s part. I encourage you, DO NOT LAUGH, there is a time for non-emotion and this is it. If I could write the mother’s reply it would be, “Honey, this is not a reward. We are going home because you disobeyed. The time you and I have will be learning how to obey next time.” Save the chuckles for the privacy of your bedroom with your hubby that night; even hearing the retelling of the story could be enough reward for the child to negate all the training given.

At the same time, allow a moment like the above to remind of how very smart children are. This little lad was working in desperation. Children understand when they have done wrong and as parents we must not be lulled into thinking otherwise. What harm would have been done by laughing and leaving all training behind? A manipulator would have been born. Doing whatever it takes to get out of responsibility would have been his goal. Sure that is talking a little extreme, but our action or our lack of action both have domino effect, so we must follow through to have the result we are hoping for.

Example of Acting Out the Bible

8/12/2011

Here is an example of acting out the Bible. This is a little more detailed than most, but when I asked my children which Bible story they remembered acting out, this was their most vivid memory.

Exodus 14: 10-15: 2 tell of Moses and the Israelites being chased by the Egyptians. When Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, it parted and the Israelites walked across on dry land; when the Egyptians tried to follow they were swallowed up by the sea. In response to God’s protection Moses and Miriam sang a song to the Lord.

First the children and I read the passage and talked through how we could act it out.

After we had a plan and set up what we needed, I sat on the couch to read the passage again. Now, I only have four children so we used our imaginations to fill in the gaps. One child played Moses, while another was the people of Israel. Two other children played the Egyptians following them.

As Moses and the Israelites came to the Red Sea (a rolled up blanket) they looked back and saw their enemies coming behind them. Moses held out his hand and the sea opened up. (Mom quickly unrolled the blanket) The Israelites walked across the sea on dry land. As they turned back to watch the Egyptians started crossing and when they were all (both) in the sea, they suddenly fell down and the sea closed in over them. (Mom covered them with both sides of the blanket) When the Israelites saw this they started to sing and dance around. (siblings in blanket squirmed out to become Israelites now) Vss. 1-2 of chapter 15 are a song we know: “I will sing unto the Lord, for He has triumphed gloriously, the horse and rider thrown into the sea.” We repeated that several times and then continued with verse 2, “The Lord, my God, my Strength, my Song has now become my Victory. The Lord is God and I will praise Him, my Father’s God and I will exalt Him.” With much skipping, swinging of arms and spinning around we enjoyed praising God for His deliverance.

At the time this was just a hands on way to learn God’s Word, but twelve years later my oldest can still relay that experience in much detail. We don’t know in the midst of our teaching what is going to stick with our children. Even so, Mom, we can know that as we explain, show and practice with our children, some is sticking and we are making lasting memories along the way.

It is all about ME!

8/10/2011

“Who wants a piece of pie?” To the front shoots a greedy boy with his hand out stretched and shaking a plate at the server, exclaiming “Me!”

It is time for dinner; the same youngster finds his way to the front of the serving line to pile a mound of meat on his plate. Because roast beef is his favorite, there is no consideration of how many people need to eat after him.

Someone, anyone, grabs a mid day snack and this same child appears out of nowhere to proclaim, “What’s that?” then without waiting for an answer, “where’s mine?”

It is birthday time, another child’s birthday, and “it is all about me” boy asks, “Did you get me anything?”

Have you met this child?

This is what the world’s philosophy of “Look out for number one” looks like.

But God wants to be number one in our lives; if we are on the throne, there is no room for Him.

Philippians 2 :4 “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

In the above examples, this boy needs to be taught to look at others needs, not just his own desires:

·         Explain before eating how to politely wait his turn

·         Explain after situation how to act next time

·         Show how to respond in a group with, “yes, please” and then wait to be offered a plate

·         Show how gentlemen let others go first and consider how many have to eat before piling on own plate

·         Practice how to ask politely and not demanding fairness, especially not firstness.

·         Practice words and actions that prefer others, and teach him to see others not just self

Philippians 2: 3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

This is the attitude we are called to raise our children with. God is not concerned with our getting our fair share, why are we? Our Savior is concerned with our preferring one another, are we? This is child training 101, it is the heart of good manners.

As Paul pleads with the Corinthians in his second book to them, vs. 13, “As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also.” He is sharing many practical tips throughout this book, and now he reminds the Corinthians that he needs their hearts too. As parents we want our child’s heart, not just his outward obedience. We do this by requiring outward obedience while continually pointing them back to God’s Truth, being an open example, and giving them our hearts first.

This “it is all about me” boy is waiting for direction. He may not ask for help, yet, he desperately wants a greater purpose. This young man’s “what about me” attitude leaves him hollow. Christ fulfills; give him Jesus and His perspective of being a servant of all, to bring real meaning to his life.

Two Audio Recommendations

8/7/2011

There are two audio series that we have enjoyed that I would like to tell you about. The first is The Sugar Creek Gang. The first Sugar Creek Gang book was published in 1939. The author, Paul Hutchens, was an evangelist, who after being diagnosed with tuberculosis, didn’t sit around doing nothing, but rather wrote these wonderful stories that are good family listening.

The stories revolve around the adventures of six boys who fish a lot and go barefoot. The stories are appropriate for all to listen to, while relating well to a boy’s adventurous side. The dad of the boy telling the stories is the head of his home and the wife is respectful. The children obey without talking back; some narrative does tell the struggle going on inside the boy’s mind.

These are good old fashioned stories. Not full of modern frills. Our family loves them. I just did a google search and the only CDs I could find were $55 for a volume which is six stories. (www.sugarcreekgang.com) Our Christian book store in Minneapolis use to carry the volume cases for less than that, but it has been ten years since I bought them. These are a find if you see them for less, give them a try. (I would say these are good for any age, preschoolers that can sit and listen to a story would enjoy them)

The second series we love, love, love is Jonathan Park. These are put out by Vision Forum (www.visionforum.com/)and are full of creation facts. There are two families that have started a creation museum together and now go on adventures to help promote creation facts to the general public. They have formed the Creation Response Team that takes assignments and has to overcome obstacles and “bad guys” to get the Truth out.

The families are wonderful in how they relate to each other. Respectful is how they live and speak. Their contact with unbelievers is winsome yet, never shrinking back. The creation facts are amazing and listening to these stories is such an enjoyable way to learn. Plus we are learning by their example how to relate to one another and how to speak boldly for Christ.

Add this to your science for the year or just listen to them during down time, they will grip you. Each volume is approximately five hours of listening enjoyment at only $25 per volume. If this price is still too much, consider going in on them with another family, these are a must listen to. (These are probably for at least school age children and perhaps even third grade and up. They are not too technical, but a little more understanding would be helpful in following the stories and facts given.)