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May We Glorify You!

11/29/2011

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We have a song we sing:

"In all we do

In all we say

May we glorify You

Lord we pray."

This short little tune states our desire to bring glory to the Lord, not to ourselves. As a mom I don’t want our family trying to impress others, but rather to express God’s heart to others.

Paul talks about this in chapter two of Titus. After telling Titus what he must teach to older men, older women and younger men in verses 1-10a, he gives Titus the reason why. Verse 10b says, “so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.”

As we train our children in character, it is vital to not make “good children” be our goal. As we teach our children how to live the way God calls us to live, we also need to give them the reason why. Our reason is the same as Paul’s, to give glory to God our Savior.

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Love in Snuggles and Love in Correction

11/28/2011

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At times I hold my children on my lap. It is a sweet time—I may scratch their back or pull them close. Always I speak to them of my love. These intervals leave us with such a close, warm fuzzy feeling.

As the day goes on, my heart holds that same love for my child, although it may look more like correction and direction than warm snuggles.

There have even been incidences when a child went straight from being loved on by me, to being irritated with a sibling. For example, they may kiss me right before they move onto fussing at their sibling for taking up too much room on the couch.

What happened to all the love we just shared? Is it gone? Was it fake? No, it is still there; the child just needs help transferring my love for him/her to others. A maturing is happening, it just isn’t perfected.

So I love this child as much with correcting their fussing, as I do with giving snuggles. A reminder of, “Child, ask your sibling kindly for room to sit and patiently wait for them to answer” is how I pour down love in this situation.

This scenario is replayed in my life. It happens when I have sweet fellowship in my quiet time, only to then walk into an immediate frustration and respond poorly. My inner feeling is of defeat—do I even have a relationship with Jesus? I went from warm closeness with my Savior, to crabby Mama, in less than ten steps. How can He even love me?

Jesus does love me, just as I love my child when they leave my lap. The conviction I feel is God’s correction. It is not meant to defeat me, but to mature me! My job is to respond to His love in correction with the desire to learn and not defeat.

Just as I want my children to respond quickly and cheerfully to my correction, so I am guessing my Heavenly Father wants me to not pout, but rather change course and move on.
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Prioritizing Meal Time

11/27/2011

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Our oldest is starting her senior year of college. Her favorite line this fall has been, “This is my last chance to….” It is true, this will be her last year at sports club and last year in AWANA; but, she is using that line to get pretty much anything she wants. We are aware, so no need to fear abuse. Well, maybe there has been a little over use.

This child also made one request for this school year. She asked if we could eat supper together at the table more nights. Hmmm, I was surprised because I thought we were really good at this.

The reality was though that on Mondays we stayed after a speech class to serve at church, meaning we packed a supper. Tuesdays we often ate quickly before going to Grandmas, sometimes sitting in the kitchen, other times sitting wherever we were finishing up our responsibilities. Wednesdays found us rushing to town for our 6 pm commitment, which often meant eating in the car. Thursdays the children came home after 6 pm nearly starved and would eat standing in the kitchen. On the weekends we often had company and that could mean eating at two tables.

What a surprise to realize how often we didn’t sit down at the table for supper together.

With a few minor adjustments, we are eating more meals at the table together. Mondays we dropped our class and other commitment. Tuesdays and Wednesdays we eat a little earlier and on Thursdays I have the table set and supper ready to serve when the children get home.

Thank you Sammy, for this eye opener; we have always desired to prioritize meal time. 
 

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Our Story of Having Four Children

11/25/2011

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article also posted today at: Visionary Womanhood www.visionarywomanhood.com

How does a mom that believes that children are a blessing from the Lord, end up with only four children? By being right where God wants me to be! It hasn’t been easy, and that is what I want to share today, but it is where God has me.

When Todd and I married in 1986 we talked about how many children we would like to have. We both agreed that four or five children would be good. We also agreed it would be a good idea to wait until we could afford to live on one income before we had children; after all, we wanted me to stay home once we started having babies.

Around our second anniversary something started to stir in me. As I read the Word, I saw that children were a gift from the Lord. Why wouldn’t we want His gifts and lots of them? Still we couldn’t “afford” a child and my quitting work, so we waited six more years to have children.

During the next six years I changed. God created in me a parenting vision. I realized it was a privilege to raise children, not a burden. I understood and truly believed what God meant when He said, “children are a blessing”. What developed in me was not just a whimsical feeling; it was a desperate yearning to be a part of raising warriors in God’s army. All of this was so foreign to me that I was convinced it was God’s work in my life.

God miraculously intervened and we were pregnant! After a few tear filled months back to work, Todd said I could quit. Finally, I could see my dreams coming true. For the next six years we had babies---four in all. It was pure joy for me to leave “family planning” in God’s hands. Whenever we got pregnant we knew it was His timing!

Yet, after our fourth child was born, Todd was feeling done. Needless to say, I was not! Actually, I was struggling with believing it was even our right to “feel done”. It seemed selfish and I couldn’t find anything in the Bible about saying “no” to more children.

For months Todd and I prayed together and separately. We sought counsel and discussed our positions on this topic. I pulled out all the stops and hit him with every argument in the book. I had scriptures, quotes from other Christians, my own thoughts and even pleas on his emotions. Did I mention I prayed? In the end, Todd had peace about the size of our family and went ahead with having a vasectomy.

How could this be? Hadn’t God done this work in me? Yes, He did. Yet, who had changed? I had. Todd was the same man I married that wanted four or five children.

I was confused. I mourned the loss of more children. And I was mad at God for not changing Todd too. Why didn’t God move in Todd, was a question that haunted me.

After months of shifting anger from God to Todd to those who gave Todd counsel and then back to God again, I turned on a CD we have that starts with the song It is well with my soul. As I sang along the tears began to flow and song after song ministered to my hard heart. It was my own personal revival. The questions ceased and I recognized God’s goodness. I knew He was watching over me as one of the songs pointed out, like He does the sparrow. (Matthew 10: 29)  Once again I received amazing grace that saved me from what I deserved. (Job 33: 27-28)

It became clear to me that one of the reasons I was negative about God was I had put too much hope in having more children and not enough hope in God. (Romans 15: 13) My focus was on the gift and not the Giver. A second reason God was on my blacklist was I knew God had changed me so I assumed He would change Todd. This was a problem because it is NOT for me to dictate to God how He must move. It is for me to accept and to surrender to however He leads. (Proverbs 3: 5)

God tells me to honor my husband and to respect him, (Eph. 5:33) now it was up to me to obey. Just like Abraham was willing to sacrifice Isaac---even though it didn’t make sense—and still believed God would fulfill His promise somehow, (Hebrews 11:17-19) I needed to believe God was in control---even if it didn’t look like it. (Hebrews 11:1)

Although, I received a very real release from anger, I still struggled and shed several tears. Each monthly cycle brought disappointment and a sense of loss. It took constant renewing of my thoughts to love my Lord with all my heart. Accepting my role was coming along…slowly…yet, the story is not over, there is more.

Although each month brought with it a reminder that I wasn’t going to have another child; I was, over all, back to trusting and loving my Lord whole heartedly. Yes, periodically I still hoped Todd would get a reversal and our family would grow, yet, that was not what I was putting my hope in.

About two years after our last child was born, Todd sat me down for a talk. He looked very serious; I couldn’t imagine what this would be about. He shared that he had been praying that morning and asked God what he could do to bless his wife. (This is not something I am aware of him ever doing before or since) Wow, I was really listening now. He said that God had told him he could bless me by having a reversal!

I was shocked and thrilled! Within a few months we had an appointment scheduled.

The day came for the reversal. Much to my surprise the doctor asked if I would like to observe the procedure, so I did. The surgery went as expected and the doctor was very optimistic.

As I am sure you can imagine I was spinning ahead in my heart and imaginations. I could picture the wonderful bundle the Lord was going to bless us with. I could nearly feel and smell our baby’s presence.

The first month went by without getting pregnant. To be expected, I could wait. After six months I was starting to get anxious, but I had heard plenty of stories where it took up to a year to get pregnant after a reversal. As a year approached I started to wrestle with God again.

Again I had assumed I knew what God would do and got my heart set on that. After all if God told my husband to have a reversal, didn’t that mean He was going to give us more children?

For years I hoped I would miss a monthly cycle and be pregnant. Again I had a choice, love God no matter what He had for me or fall into bitterness while demanding my way. I learned quicker this time and rested in God’s being all powerful and all knowing.

Nearly ten years have passed since the reversal. Four children is the number of children God has for us. Some may think we are paying the consequences of having a vasectomy in the first place. Perhaps we are, there is no doubt we messed with Todd’s body and before the surgery we had no problem getting pregnant. Yet, my peace comes from knowing God is big enough. He is big enough to get us pregnant and big enough to fill me with peace if we aren’t ever pregnant again.

There are two things that have helped me this time that I feel are gifts from the Lord. The first is the fact that I got to observe the surgery. I know myself and I would have wondered if the surgery was done or if it was done correctly. Of course being there doesn’t mean it was done right, but it helped with my imagination.

Secondly, I have peace knowing we corrected what I felt was wrong. There weren’t a certain number of children I was after, I just didn’t want to stiff arm God by saying don’t give us any more. Now we were open to what He had for us.

So that is how this mom that believes children are a blessing from the Lord ended up with only four children. I know there are a lot of other stories out there. There are many broken hearts regarding this topic. Yet, as I was reminded this week as a struggled through a much smaller trial, God wants what is best for me, although it may look different than I had hoped. Am I willing to learn what God wants me to learn? Will I trust Him no matter what? Again, I will choose to let God be God and I will follow wherever He leads!

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Happy Thanksgiving!!

11/22/2011

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We leave this afternoon for our annual Thanksgiving trip to Iowa. I love Thanksgiving. What a great idea to have a holiday, a day set aside to thank God for His many blessings!

Many of us have family traditions we enjoy year to year, but do they include thanking God? A great way for even small children to verbalize their thankfulness is to go around the table or the room before eating and have each person say one thing they thank God for that year. Many of us have family members that don’t give God credit for the great things He has done; they can still voice what they are thankful for in the year, while we can thank God for our blessings.

After our Thanksgiving celebration in Iowa, we drive seven hours home. During the first couple of hours of the trip we make a few phone calls telling dear friends that we are thankful for them in our lives. A few calls are personal, just a sweet message from one of us. For the messages from our whole family we in unison say, “We’re thankful for you!” and then mom or dad will finish with “from the Doeblers.” Most of these calls are messages left on machines since people are busy with their own celebrating.

This past week we received a hand written note in the mail. What a pleasant surprise to see six little people’s signatures, along with their parents confirming the notes message. Inside a handmade card with Psalm 107:1 printed on the front, they wrote “We are thankful for you!!” What a blessing.

Happy Thanksgiving! This year let’s verbalize our thanks to God and to those He has enriched our lives with.  Following the example of
II Corinthians 9:15 “Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!” and I Thessalonians 3:9 “How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you?”
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Not Easily Offended?! Conclusion

11/21/2011

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Letting go of those firsts response feelings of “he thinks bad of me” and lightening up was a huge step for me. My normal response is to add another brick to the wall of previous offenses and to mortar it in with my many assumptions of his motives. I may not walk around with my arms folded across my chest, but there are times when they are cocked and ready to spring into position. It certainly felt better to think more positively of my hubby, and we gained at least a couple hours of harmony that at others time I would have snuffed out with the old fashioned silent treatment.

Now, if I could rewrite my friend’s butterfly incident with an ending of believing the best or laughing at herself in response to her husband’s “you must be bored” pun, this is what I would have her say: “Yes, I can see that I have learned to enjoy the simple things in life.” Or “Yea, next thing you know I will be analyzing the cob webs in the corners.” Unfortunately, it is not often that any of us get a rewrite in real life. So if one chance is all I get, I want to start following Todd’s advice and believe the best, even if the best isn’t obvious. I will also lighten up and learn to laugh at myself.

DISCLAIMOR: In no way am I encouraging women to pretend everything is OK or to bury their hurts. This article is about changing our first response from a negative one to a positive one. We still need to communicate, but learn to do it without the attitude.

QUOTE BY UNKNOWN AUTHOR:

“Believe the best about people and if you are wrong you’ve only made a mistake on the side of love.”

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Not Easily Offended?! Day two.

11/20/2011

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An acquaintance of ours moved to another city with his wife and four children. It was a hard move for everyone except for the mom. She loved their new home and neighborhood, but the rest of the family seemed intent on converting her to their negative side. One night however, Mom laid it on the line, “Hey, ya bunch of goofs, stop stealing my joy!” Stunned for only a moment, the family burst out in laughter. Her light hearted honesty broke through to them. I have often wished I would respond like this mom. Most situations would deflate themselves if only I could just lighten up.

Last month Todd and I went to a baby shower. The host set aside some time for the guests to share their helpful tips with the engaged couple. The advice my husband offered was, “Always think the best. Even when your spouse says something that doesn’t seem the best—believe the best.” Even though I’ve been hearing this quote for nearly fifteen years, I am just beginning to grasp the wisdom in it.

This past weekend I took a step in the direction of believing the best. We were going on vacation and temperatures were predicted to be in the thirties. Todd asked me a couple of times if I needed new wool pants for our trip. Each time I answered, “No.” Finally he suggested I try on my old pants just to make sure. “Why?” I asked with some irritation, “They have always fit before.” “Well, they were a little snug the last time you wore them—don’t you remember?” He was really trying to pick his words carefully. “What?!” I was about to flip, “That was right after I had a baby!!” Still calm, he continued with “Well, just try them, you never know.” I was thinking the worst at this point, “So, he thinks I am a two ton tessy!” But after a minute I really looked at him, and it struck me that he wasn’t accusing me of anything. He was being practical and wanted me to have warm clothes to wear, that was all. (I WAS relieved though when I tried on the pants and they fit just fine.)

Still have a long ways to go, but the first steps of believing the best were taken. Perhaps I will see my husband’s good heart sooner next time.

Conclusion of article tomorrow.

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Not Easily Offended?!

11/19/2011

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Article first written for Apples of Gold in the mid 1990’s:

While at a friend’s house awhile back the mother was sharing with me how her son and her were raising a butterfly. Her excitement was obvious. Her husband stepped over and tried to make a pun by saying, “Wow, you must really be bored for that to be such a thrill.” Her immediate retort was, “That is not a very nice thing to say to a hard working mom.” There was no eye contact, just a strong sense of “you offend me and I’m not going to take it.” As the third party in this scenario it was clear to me that this husband had not wanted to hurt his wife. Granted he didn’t use great tact, but his goal was to join in with some light hearted teasing. All that was lost because his wife became offended while assuming he was belittling her.

The “belittling” my friend felt from her husband is one of the most common offenses at our house too. The funny thing is, 99% of the time my husband has no clue why I have become ice woman. He had no malice intended and is standing there wondering what just transpired. When I try to explain, he will often tell me he had no negative intentions and encourages me to laugh at myself (which at the time, goes over like a lead balloon). Objectively though, I have to agree with him. When I see other wives respond to their husband’s “teasing” with a laugh or even by adding a detail of their own, they are so much more attractive than the wife that glares and stiffens her back in utter disgust.

Looks like I have two options: believe the best or be offended, which will I choose?

More from this article tomorrow.

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God Calls Us All to the Same Standard

11/17/2011

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At the beginning of each Mom’s Time we discuss how our assignment went and then there is time to share anything being applied from the previous week’s character traits. It is a very encouraging time.

This past week a mom that had attended a class two years ago spoke up. She shared that when she had gone through the class before she heard for the first time that God calls us all to the same standard without regard for different personality types.

That hit her because at that time she was dealing with a son that was easily angered. It had become a habit for her to brush off his lack of self-control with the thought, “Oh, he has a temper just like Grandpa.”

She then shared that she has really been working with her son for the past two years. With a combination of correction, non-conflict practice and prayer she has a much different son. Isn’t that something to get excited about?!

Note: the change was not over night. This mom didn’t just correct, she also prepared her son for difficult situations by talking them through with him before they arrived. And this mom also understands the power of prayer, both for herself to be the mom her son needs and for her son to experience God’s power to overcome his emotions.  

Rejoice, again I say rejoice!

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Greeting Husband at the Door

11/16/2011

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This past week we had a four part assignment at Mom’s Time. One part was to greet our husband’s at the door warmly when they came home from work.

One new mom, her baby is five months old, had always worked with her husband up until the baby was born, so hadn’t considered greeting him at the door. (This mom has been such a blessing; she has jumped into the assignments with both feet, even when it stretched her.)

Yesterday when I bumped into her I asked how the assignment was going. She enthusiastically relayed that after only three days her husband told her he loved her meeting him at the door. She was so surprised and even verbalized, “You noticed?” Again he said, “Yes, I noticed and I love it!”

My husband works from home, but I am inspired to greet him warmly whenever he comes home.  This is such a little thing for me to do that can speak volumes to my man.
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