Often I would rock like a rocking horse in my chair, wanting very much to leave. Yet, our commitment kept me there, until we worked through our differences.
Now days I don’t even desire to walk out; winning isn’t my goal any more—resolution is the focus.
How surprised Todd and I were when friends confessed to swearing at each other while fighting. Another couple had to get counseling because the wife was hitting and pulling her husband’s hair. A third couple admitted to going days without talking to each other waiting for the other person to apologize. These were close Christian friends, couples we respected.
If any of these scenarios are familiar, there is still hope and they do not have to be “normal”. I came into marriage thinking yelling, walking out and slamming doors were normal, but having fighting rules changed that. Obviously, the rules don’t matter if we don’t uphold them. Thankfully, both Todd and I live by our rules, plus one more.
The last rule has kept us working long at understanding one another, but has at times had to be respectfully bent. The rule is: don’t let the sun go down on your anger. This is a Biblical command. Again, I give credit to Todd for upholding this rule and pursuing talking out a problem when I may have chosen to roll over.
When I speak of respectfully bending this rule, I mean agreeing to stop talking until the next day. There have been times when we are so tired or our conversation is spinning in circles that we KNOW a good night’s sleep will help our communication more than demanding resolution right now.