During our visit to MN, I had the privilege of participating on a panel answering questions at a mom’s group. One question that stirred a lot of discussion had to do with dealing with a non-touchy child. One of our children prefers space, yet, I was surprised to see that the majority of the moms in the room were struggling with this “problem.” It was a problem in that several of the children were pushing their mother away, stiffening when hugged or wiping off the kisses mother gave. “Isn’t this disrespect?” one mom asked. Several other moms felt hurt, and took the actions very personally. Thankfully we had gotten this question the night before, so I had a chance to ask my non-touchy child if these actions were disrespect. She said she was pretty sure the child didn’t mean them as disrespect; he/she was just reacting. But, I had seen this child hugging her friends openly, so why wouldn’t it be disrespect to not receive a hug from mom? Her response was that friends hug with a quick wrap around and let go----moms want to wrap around and then rub the back a little and just cling. These children seem to be easily over loaded by physical affection. So although Mommy can hug and kiss whenever she wants, because she is mommy and that is what mommies do. It would be wise for mommy to respect Junior’s space by not pouring it on too thick. If a child doesn’t seem to like your kisses, perhaps you are too wet in your expression. Ask the child why they wipe off your kisses, or feed them the idea that you are glad they are rubbing your kisses in. Most importantly, according to my daughter, is to figure out what this child’s love language is and fill that tank; then the child will be able to endure the touching better, because they know it speaks love to you.
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Sammy Doebler
5/5/2011 11:58:15 am
My name is Sammy Doebler and I am my mom's not touchy child. I wanted to say that make sure that your child knows that you feel loved when they touch (hug, kiss, etc.) you. So when ever they hug you tell them that you feel the love.
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